That's What She Said: Calving 2016

Calving is so here, we have fifty calves on the ground already and it's wonderful! I'm glad for Bert because in past years, the heifers have really drug out having their calves, but this year it seems like everyone's on schedule to be done in a reasonable amount of time.

When I worked outside with him, I used to imagine what it would be like if cows could talk, because looking at cows' backsides all day every day can make you a little loopy, and it's fun to imagine what they'd say.

I'm both sad and happy to report that the loopiness has not faded, despite the fact that I don't work with him every day any more. I guess Office Ladies can be nuts, too ;) What can I say, all those hormonal females sure bring out my silly side.

Welcome to the Calving 2016 edition of "That's What She Said."

 "Ummmmmm excuse me. A thing just came out of you. WHAT IS THAT THING? It's moving! It's moving!!!"

"Hello? It's me. I was wondering if after all this time you'd like to leave. Me alone. You see, I don't like you looking at my calf so you really ought to leave."

"Hello? Can you hear me? I'm about to run across this pen and eat your lunch for free. I'm bigger than you, I've not forgotten how to run real fast and knock you off your feet."

"There's such a difference between us, and a thousand pounds."

"Hello, get on the other side! Do I have to ask a thousand times? For you to get out of this here pen. But when I ask you, you never seem to go."

"Mom! I'm getting an earring like you have! Look at my earring! It's like what you have! Hey! Check me out! I look so good!"

"Please. Let me out. Beulah is having a baby. I don't like babies. Plus she's freaking out about it because she's a drama queen and I mean really, how bad can it be. But please. Let me out of here. I know in the morning I can just turn around and walk out the other gate into the pasture, but that's in the morning. Beulah's going to be freaking out ALL NIGHT. I don't want to have to listen to--oh wait, you said you'll remove her? Okay. Thanks. That'll work."

"That's not your calf!" "Yes, it is! It literally just came out of me! And it likes me better!" "No! IT'S MY CALF I SAW IT COME OUT OF YOU BUT I LICKED IT FIRST FINDERS KEEPERS!" "NO! It's not your calf and if you keep this up that lady over there with the camera is going to tattle on you and you'll be removed!" "NO I WON'T!" (She was.)